are you freakin KIDDING me!?!?

So I left for London on Saturday at 7:00 pm…and arrived here at 8:00am London time. Everything was great, besides this little nagging sore throat that I was developing. Oh well, it will go away, I thought. So we do a little touring of London all morning, then go to the Salvation Army Hall (the original salv. army where William Booth once stood and preached) for our first of four performances on the trip (yeah a performance the DAY WE GET HERE! Thats not crazy at all)…But surprisingly, everything went great. I sang my solo and had a great time…except for this little sore throat. Well we finally arrive at the hotel at 4:00…and everyone else is trying to stay awake, but nope not me. I couldnt take it. I had been up for 24 hours and my throat was hurting so I was like screw it, I can sleep 14 hours till tomorrow morning. OHHH BUT NO! I woke up every 2 hours in the middle of the night as I progressively learned swallowing was the most PAINFUL task I had ever tried to accomplish. My throat was swelling as were my lymph nodes. So I got up the next morning and went with the group to a castle and then to sing at Shakespeares church, but shock of my life I couldnt sing…which was the biggest bummer. I got back to the hotel that night and went to sleep. Then this morning I couldnt even get out of bed…so today I have slept a total of about 14 hours, and eaten next to nothing. In fact I have hardly eaten since I got here. Thats what happens when you cant swallow. SOOOO….I paid over $2000 for this trip and I am stuck at the hotel feeling like complete and utter CRAP. awesome. Silver lining? I am gonna get realll skinny from this lack of appetite. :-(
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A Grinch Epiphony

So this Christmas season has taught me a lot. First of all, I was surprised to see myself so laid back and calm when it came time to open presents. I usually am a bouncing ball of excitement, anxious to see what everyone thought to buy for me. Not necessarily in a selfish way, but in a curious, I-wonder-what-you-think-I-would-like, kind of way. But not this year. This year I was the picture of calm, opening my presents slowly...more concerned about what everyone else was getting and their reactions of joy. I suppose this is a sign of growing up. I LOVE growing up. Anyone that knows me well knows that I seek responsibility and strive to be seen as mature...but the odd thing is...the lack of excitement about my own presents kinda makes me sad. I am now out of the "excited for my Christmas presents" stage of life. I loved that time of life! When Christmas just gave you the tingles, and the excitement was hardly, and surely not gracefully, contained. But, I should be happy because now I get to find my joy in the happiness of others, and selflessness is something I could SURELY use more of in my life. So, yes, that is the first thing I learned. And the second, you ask?...Well it is that family TRULY TRULY is what makes the holidays special. Without my sister, parents, brother and his wife around today, I discovered that it didnt matter who bought me what...I just really wanted to spend time with my loved ones. Why have I seen Dr. Suess' "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" soooooo many times yet never truly taken the Grinch's enlightened words to heart?

"It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags. Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas...means a little bit more"
-The Grinch

I need a change, cause baby, this aint workin'

I think I know what I am going to resolve to do this New Year...

MAKE A CHANGE! Quit getting stuck with the same guys who I know arent right for me. I have never been one to have to have a man in my life. So why do I keep finding myself going to these guys for affirmation. I know the Lord finds me beautiful and worth it. So, I am going to start going to HIM to fill my desires. He can make me feel way better about myself than men of this world. And maybe, just maybe, if I start turning to Him, he will bring that man he has for me into my life...

...just a little thought I had.

Material Things...not so important.

Today in the parking lot someone backed into my mom’s brand new Saturn Sky Convertible. She got it for Christmas yesterday….it was not a happy thing. BUT! After the police coming, insurances being called, and the dent and scratch we found on the back left side, we realized…ya know…its just a thing. And maybe it’s God’s way of saying “So ya thought THIS was important…this car? Nu uh. I am in control…put your pride and your happiness in me”. So yeah…two day old car already with a collision record. Not great. But hey..its just a thing.

Tears on Christmas

Today my family is celebrating Christmas. Weird to be celebrating on the 21st as we all know that the 25th is the special day…but nevertheless, in a few hours we will be opening presents. I have the great country of Brazil to thank for this early gift giving, and I am not even bitter while saying that. My parents have decided to go on a mission trip with my church that leaves on Christmas Eve and comes back on New Years Eve. I know this will be a wonderful experience for them, and I am so excited to hear about all that the Father teaches them through service to others, but I am a little selfish. See…I am a very family oriented person. More so than most, and I have never really been ashamed of this. The relationship I have with every one of my siblings and my parents is…just beautiful. It is God given and God blessed. And that very gift from God is the reason that there have been and will be many tears on Christmas. Mom and Dad are leaving. My oldest sister, my best friend, is living in Korea right now. I havent seen her since the 1st of June, and now with the holiday season right on my doorstep, I find I am missing here more than EVER. And my brother and sister-in-law are going to visit my sister-in-laws family for Christmas. A family that has grown up and no longer sleeps together on Christmas Eve. A family that doesnt wake up and run down the stairs together to see what Santa brought. None of mom’s traditional coffee cake on Christmas morning…ahhh. I need my family together :-(

Oooooo Owwww

So story time. Girl almost died tonight at practice. But let me back up a little. So we have these props, right, that are oversized piano benches. Well, they are placed end to end conveniently enough, and I had this "great" idea that someone should run across these props and do split leaps. Even better, lets go all Sound Of Music in the gazebo and have someone run in front of the benches and assist them. After the split leaps and glissade I had an EVEN BETTER idea that the girl should just surrender all fear and turn and fall backwards into the arms of two people. Well thats all well and good and fine and all until all communication STOPS. Cause when THAT happens, girl surrenders all fear to find she is falling into NOTHINGNESS! Well, being the good guard director that I am, I was sitting on one of the benches where her head was near to spot. So when she started to fall THINKING her friends were there to catch her, I was the only one prepared. So long story, not SO long, I threw my hands between her skull and the bench and saved her from lacerations to the head. She fell pretty hard, but luckily my hands were there. Sad part of the story, my hand between a hard wooden edge and someones hands makes for a bloody gash to the hands. Oooo Owww that hurt. :-(

Just have patience, He says.

I'm frustrated. It seems God wants to teach me patience...and I havent quite grasped the concept yet. :-( Three years I havent dated anyone. Three years! And I have reasons, I do. I have these standards. They arent crazy, but so many people tell me they are unrealistic and that I will never find this man I am waiting for because he doesnt exist. But, I just cant believe thats true. The root of it is Christ. I need a man who loves the Lord with all his heart, and can be a spiritual leader. And in a relationship with me, a very strong leader type person, that would mean being a GREAT spiritual leader. I know that I intimidate guys with my confidence, but truthfully, I am not going to change. Because thats how I am. And if I have to change who I am for a guy, then...He's not who I want to be with. Goodness...its just hard. Because its not that I dont want to be with someone...its just that he hasnt come along yet. And I am getting sick of waiting, but I just CANT settle. I sometimes wish I could...but I cant....I cant.

My family is WAYYYY cool

This is how we get in the holiday spirit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RK1l7jHTT0

Some thoughts

So I am laying here reading John 3 where it talks about John the Baptist and his apostles. They were all in a tizzy because Jesus was on the other side of the river baptizing people. Verse 26 says: "John's disciples came to him and said, 'Teacher, the man you met on the other side of the Jordan River, the one you said was the Messiah, is also baptizing people. And everybody is going over there instead of coming here to us'". First of all...silly disciples. John said this man was the Messiah! If you have an ounce of faith in the man you follow, wont you believe him when he points to one greater than he?! Why so upset!? Isn't it always funny how when we read the Word we can easily see how ignorant people were, but when its us and our lives we seem totally justified in our ways. Anyhow! So, I continued reading and got to John's response. Classic, by the way. Verses 27-30 "John replied, 'God in heaven appoints each person's work. You yourselves know how plainly I told you that I am not the Messiah. I am here to prepare the way for him-that is all. The bride will go where the bridegroom is. A bridegroom's friend rejoices with him. I am the bridegroom's friend, and I am filled with joy at his success. He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less". First of all...PROPS to John. How obvious is it that he is filled with God!? Like he said, he is but man, of this earth. And to be of this earth is to be filled with sinful nature and desires. Which means! Saying "No its not me you should be praising, its not me you should be lifting up" he pointed the other way at someone greater than himself. That had to have been a little hard sometimes. I am sure Satan tried to do some crafty work in the heart of John from time to time. But anyway, John's AMAZING response, pointing it all at Christ, got me thinking... I wonder how hard it was for those apostles, and the people of the day for that matter, to accept Christ's "Messiah" status. That had to be a hard pill to swallow. Someone has come and they are the son of God? Are we sure here? That's what I would be saying. What really gets me curious is the question of whether it was harder to be a follower and believer in Christ back then or today? Because there are obvious pro's and con's to each. Pros for the biblical people-you got to actually SEE his miracles, SEE his gloriousness, SEE his Godly nature. Cons-This was a radical thing! The Messiah alive and among us! Today we live in a world where it is VERY socially acceptable to believe in the Messiah and his death and resurrection. Back then...that was just heresy! SO anyway...this is just something that really spoke to me this fine evening. I have read these verses so many times throughout my life, but all glory be to God for showing me something new. God is great.

Ooo so so funny

Okay so I got this email yesterday from this professor I had a few semesters ago for Anthropology. He is young and sorta handsome, and you would think that would make him really interesting....OH BUT NO! He is one of the most sinfully boring teachers I have ever had.. So boring that his boringness was a source of insatiable laughter to my friends and I. SO! When I got this email from him yesterday, I just about pee'ed my pants at his apparent out rage at a TERRIBLE injustice that was done him. Here is what he wrote:

"Just writing to let all students know that the manager at the Arby's on Martha Berry between McDonald's and Waffle House is refusing to honor the Viking Discount Card".

HAHAHA! Okay maybe this isnt funny to you, but crap, I think its hilarious. He wrote an email to EVERY STUDENT, STAFF, AND FACULTY to let them know that he went to Arbys and they "REFUSED TO HONOR" his 10% discount. bah ha ha! Sorry this is funny, okay.

Something God showed me today...

So I am home for Christmas break right? Well, this morning I was at my mom's bible study and we were studying James 3:14-17 and God gave me a light bulb moment. I dont even remember what we were reading at the moment it happened, but I remember someone was talking about the spiritual war that goes on between us and Satan and how we are waging war for our spiritual health..."wow" I said to myself. I know this war...I have talked about this war, and I am quite famliar. But I realized something really unfortunate about my current state. I have stopped fighting. In a sense, I have put down my spiritual sword, and started to walk away. But what really hit me was that THE WAR IS STILL GOING ON! And worst yet! I AM LOSING! I have stopped feeling convicted about things that should hit my heart hard core. I am in a time in my life when the Lord has so much to teach me...and He is...and I am learning...but he just wants to show me soooo much more. He wants to fill me with His Word and His love, and His goodness....but I am ignoring it. I stopped fighting and I am losing! What a revelation. I hear a voice yelling at me now "PICK UP YOUR SWORD, ASHTON AND FIGHT!" I want the Lord to be there for me...to fight for me when I am in trouble...but how can He fight for me, if I am not fighting for Him?! He wants so much more from me. How can I complain about what I dont have in my life when I am not seeking Him with all my heart. The Lord will give you the desires of your heart, IF you are obedient.

James 4:2-3 "You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. 3 And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure."

HOW TRUE OF MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont need what I think I want. And the Lord knows this....he will bless me with what he wills. The more obedient I am the more his blessings flow.

Praise the Lord for revelations. God, please let it stick...let it change me.

A Prayer to the Father

Broken Down on the ground, and I cannot find my feet.
Whispering your Holy Name, wont you come and rescue me.
I could try and get back up, wipe the dirt off my face.
But I need your soft sure hand, so I am asking wont you stay?
Stay, Stay, Stay!
No, I dont wanna let you go.
I can’t do this anymore, Wont you take away this pain.
Dry my tears my fears my doubts. Please run come and rescue me.
No, Lord, I dont wanna let you go. I dont wanna let you go.
Stay, Stay, Stay, Stay.
Broken Down on the ground, and I cannot find my feet.

Who needs two blogs?

Apparently I do. My sister doesnt like that my other blog doesnt allow her to comment. So to appease her and the many others who like to comment on my life, here I am. :-) Wanna catch up on my other blog....I mean, alright. http://www.ashtonsingletary.tumblr.com