Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Winterguard picture I like

So some girl in SAPA posted this picture of me and I got tagged in it. That is one fine back attitude if I do say so myself...haha!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Jesus is King

Oh and for His returning we watch and we pray

Yes we will be ready the dawn of that day

And we'll join in singing with all the redeemed

Cause Satan is vanquished and our Jesus is King

So come let us sing a song

A song declaring that we belong to Jesus

Oh, that He is all we need, yeah

So lift up a heart of praise

Sing now with voices raised to Jesus

Oh, and sing to the King.

The Lord showed me something tonight, and for it, I am eternally grateful. Praise be to God.


Things that dont help my stressful state:

1. When I try to order jackets from a company for the Berry winterguard and the company doesnt get back to me. I send them the artwork, then dont hear from them for a week. I go in there and they are all "sorry" they neglected me....say they are gonna check on prices for me...then dont call me back for two weeks. I then proceed to have to call them everyday when they say they will CALL ME to make sure they are doing their jobs and getting my order processed.
2. When I order uniforms at the beginning of November for the Berry winterguard, and the school doesnt fill the invoice until a month later on Dec. 8th.
3. When the company that FINALLY gets their money in december tells me it will be "6-8 weeks" for production and 9 weeks later they inform me they are STILL behind because they are "understaffed and overbooked"...I am empathetic, I really am, BUT COME ON! They just called me to say they are overnighting them a few minutes ago. My girls were the ONLY ones last weekend without their uniforms...that makes me and more importantly THEM, look bad. UGHHH!
4. Listening to the Mozart Requiem. It is not solemn and is jolting, stressful, and chaotic. Fugues do NOT help a stressful situation.
5. When Musselwhite proceeds to give you a reality check about grad. school and how much you DONT know. I appreciate him so much for doing his job, but oh my gosh, I am already under so much pressure, and now this? He told me I need to prioritize school and winterguard. And I know my career is important, but...I dont want to stop marching! I am good at guard...way better than I am at music. And I like to do things I am good at. gah, now I have to analyze my life and priorities, and figure out what I want for myself in life.
6. When Musselwhite wants to give me experience in front of a choir and tells me he is going to purposefully be 5-10 minutes late tomorrow so I can warm the choir up. OH! okay! Thats not last minute!
7. When my sister is due to have my nephew at ANY MINUTE and I have winterguard rehearsal this weekend, which I really cant miss...but WILL if she has her baby. Which will then proceed to get me in a TON of trouble with my director. GAH!

Lord, I cant. I absolutely cant. Please, Father, help me. If I try to do this all by myself I will fail. I need you. I love you. Hear my cries!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


...and I dont mean shady. I found myself in the mood to sketch the other day and dug out my long lost sketch pad. I remember the day I bought it at Target...I looked at the first drawing in it, which was hilariously of a super nintendo controller, and it was from 1999! I bought that thing a DECADE ago! Well...I hadn't sketched in it in 4 years, and so I decided, HEY! let's draw something! What did I choose? The first thing I could see! My guitar, of course. After I drew that I decided to draw something else, so I sketched the Clara archway. I do not claim to be any fact I know I'm not, but it has always been something I enjoy doing. :-) And I kinda like loving something I am not good at.

I took a picture of my sketches with my phone...which I like to think does not do them justice

;-) haha!

Friday, February 6, 2009


mmmm....the possibilities...

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Humidifiers and Jesus

Nothing beats laying on a blanket on the floor of your dorm room with your bible and journal open, praising the Lord to the hum of a humidifier. My nose may be running, my chest congested, heck I may not even be able to sing well, but I am still going to praise the Lord. He is so worthy, and has done so much! I found another fantastic verse tonight...

"And yet the reason you don't have what you want is that you don't ask God for it". -James 4:2

I like this verse...mostly because it makes me feel like I should get everything I ask for, haha!...UNTIL I read the verse right after it, which I found tonight was conveniently NOT HIGHLIGHTED in my bible like the verse before it had been...

"...And even when you do ask, you don't get it because your whole motive is wrong- you only want what will give you pleasure". -James 4:3

I think that's the part I miss. I am all gung-ho about asking God for things...but are my motives always pure? I think not. So that is where I found myself tonight...lying on the floor....praying that God would search my heart, and my motives and make them what they should be. I want to be well, and I prayed a lot for that to happen, but ya know, if God doesnt want me to get over this cold by tomorrow in time for my recital...then it wont happen. And I have to accept that. Sometimes God teaches us more in times of discomfort. I would rather grow more dependent spiritually on the Lord because I am sick, than to be well and singing. I mean really, what's more important here? I know the answer to that. And that's why I say...

" How do you know what will happen tomorrow? For your life is like the morning fog- it's here a little while and then its gone. What you ought to say is 'If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that'. Otherwise, you will be boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil". - James 4:14-16

And then God spoke...

"So humble yourseleves before God. Resist the Devil, andhe will flee from you. Draw close to God, and God will draw close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, you hypocrites. Let there be tears for the wrong things you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on him, he will lift you up and give you honor". -James 4:7-10

Wow...yeah thats pretty much it for me right now. Thats where I am.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


I am sick. I have an ear infection, a possible upper respiratory infection, and a cold. I also have my junior recital on Friday. Dear Lord, PLEASE work a miracle and make me better. I need to be well.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

I need something.

I like to please people. As much as that might not seem true sometimes, it truly is. Thats why I do all that I do. Not so people will like me, but I guess more so that people will be proud of me. I dont know who these "people" always are in my mind that I am seeking to please, but nevertheless. Therefore I hate letting people down. Or not living up their standards. I cant even formulate my feelings into words right now...I cried today on my way home from rehearsal...I am just so frustrated. Frustrated that I cant be everything for everyone. I cant be the good example all the time, I cant be the perfect colorguard member, I cant be the best student, I cant be the perfect daughter, I cant....and I know people arent expecting perfection...but I just am hitting a wall right now. I dont like when I cant please people. When I do everything I can and its still not enough. I cant explain it. I dont even know how I feel. I just know everything is starting to topple, and I am really strong, but...sometimes I just want to be immature and let it all fall.

God, I need you. I say you are the most important thing to me, but I am putting so much above you. I strive daily to make all the different things in my life feel like they are the most important thing I do. But, why dont I strive to put you on a pedestal too? Its so backwards. I know what I should do...and yet, I dont do it. I know what I need, and yet I dont ask you for it. I know what you want, yet I do the opposite. Lord...Father, please. Give me rest. I cant do it all on my own. You are way more important than colorguard, than school, than men, than my family...than anything! And I am going to get really lost if I keep neglecting you.