Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Oh and for His returning we watch and we pray
Yes we will be ready the dawn of that day
And we'll join in singing with all the redeemed
Cause Satan is vanquished and our Jesus is King
So come let us sing a song
A song declaring that we belong to Jesus
Oh, that He is all we need, yeah
So lift up a heart of praise
Sing now with voices raised to Jesus
Oh, and sing to the King.
The Lord showed me something tonight, and for it, I am eternally grateful. Praise be to God.
1. When I try to order jackets from a company for the Berry winterguard and the company doesnt get back to me. I send them the artwork, then dont hear from them for a week. I go in there and they are all "sorry" they neglected me....say they are gonna check on prices for me...then dont call me back for two weeks. I then proceed to have to call them everyday when they say they will CALL ME to make sure they are doing their jobs and getting my order processed.
2. When I order uniforms at the beginning of November for the Berry winterguard, and the school doesnt fill the invoice until a month later on Dec. 8th.
3. When the company that FINALLY gets their money in december tells me it will be "6-8 weeks" for production and 9 weeks later they inform me they are STILL behind because they are "understaffed and overbooked"...I am empathetic, I really am, BUT COME ON! They just called me to say they are overnighting them a few minutes ago. My girls were the ONLY ones last weekend without their uniforms...that makes me and more importantly THEM, look bad. UGHHH!
4. Listening to the Mozart Requiem. It is not solemn and peaceful...it is jolting, stressful, and chaotic. Fugues do NOT help a stressful situation.
5. When Musselwhite proceeds to give you a reality check about grad. school and how much you DONT know. I appreciate him so much for doing his job, but oh my gosh, I am already under so much pressure, and now this? He told me I need to prioritize school and winterguard. And I know my career is important, but...I dont want to stop marching! I am good at guard...way better than I am at music. And I like to do things I am good at. gah, now I have to analyze my life and priorities, and figure out what I want for myself in life.
6. When Musselwhite wants to give me experience in front of a choir and tells me he is going to purposefully be 5-10 minutes late tomorrow so I can warm the choir up. OH! okay! Thats not last minute!
7. When my sister is due to have my nephew at ANY MINUTE and I have winterguard rehearsal this weekend, which I really cant miss...but WILL if she has her baby. Which will then proceed to get me in a TON of trouble with my director. GAH!
Lord, I cant. I absolutely cant. Please, Father, help me. If I try to do this all by myself I will fail. I need you. I love you. Hear my cries!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
"And yet the reason you don't have what you want is that you don't ask God for it". -James 4:2
I like this verse...mostly because it makes me feel like I should get everything I ask for, haha!...UNTIL I read the verse right after it, which I found tonight was conveniently NOT HIGHLIGHTED in my bible like the verse before it had been...
"...And even when you do ask, you don't get it because your whole motive is wrong- you only want what will give you pleasure". -James 4:3
I think that's the part I miss. I am all gung-ho about asking God for things...but are my motives always pure? I think not. So that is where I found myself tonight...lying on the floor....praying that God would search my heart, and my motives and make them what they should be. I want to be well, and I prayed a lot for that to happen, but ya know, if God doesnt want me to get over this cold by tomorrow in time for my recital...then it wont happen. And I have to accept that. Sometimes God teaches us more in times of discomfort. I would rather grow more dependent spiritually on the Lord because I am sick, than to be well and singing. I mean really, what's more important here? I know the answer to that. And that's why I say...
" How do you know what will happen tomorrow? For your life is like the morning fog- it's here a little while and then its gone. What you ought to say is 'If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that'. Otherwise, you will be boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil". - James 4:14-16
Wow...yeah thats pretty much it for me right now. Thats where I am.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
God, I need you. I say you are the most important thing to me, but I am putting so much above you. I strive daily to make all the different things in my life feel like they are the most important thing I do. But, why dont I strive to put you on a pedestal too? Its so backwards. I know what I should do...and yet, I dont do it. I know what I need, and yet I dont ask you for it. I know what you want, yet I do the opposite. Lord...Father, please. Give me rest. I cant do it all on my own. You are way more important than colorguard, than school, than men, than my family...than anything! And I am going to get really lost if I keep neglecting you.